


before the night turns into dawn

by twilightscribe



Category: Twilight - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Dark, M/M, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-25
Updated: 2011-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-18 15:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightscribe/pseuds/twilightscribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Self-loathing, anger, hate, questions of 'why did this happen to me' all of this rockets around inside of his head without relent. Jakeward, dark themes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part i

**title.** before the night turns into dawn  
 **fandom.** _twilight_ series  
 **pairing.** edward cullen x jacob black  
 **rating.** pg13  
 **part.** part i  
 **words.** 2 640 words  
 **notes/warnings.** inspired by _never too late_ by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.  
 **disclaimer.** i do not own the _twilight_ series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.

 **part i.**

Self-loathing, anger, hate, questions of ‘ _why did this happen to me?_ ’ all of this rockets around inside of his head without relent. The scars, the wounds, they leave are tearing him apart, leaving raw gashes across the already fragile nature of his mind. No matter how he might deny it, it’s somehow happened, and he can’t live with it, _can’t live with the knowledge of how many people he’d have to tear apart and break to feel any sort of relief_.

Jacob wrapped his arms around his knees, hiding in the seclusion of the closet in his room. It’s a childish thing to do, almost silly, but it’s the one place where he feels safe, _where he can hide from the horror that he is_ , and not have to confront the problems lurking just outside of his door. The others will worry, have started too already, but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

All that matters is the pain, that inescapable realization that he’s in dire need of something, someone, who he can never have.

One problem after another, that’s been thrown at him, and there’s no way out of the hand which has been dealt to him. Jacob’s stuck in a deep and dark hole where there’s no escape, _no escape and yet he’s clawing for one_ , and he can’t blame anyone, _blames himself it’s all his fault_.

 _It had to be this way_ , that’s what the dark and cruel voice in his mind, tells him; what’s worse is how intently he listens to it, how deeply he believes that what it says is the truth. The only expectation is that something he did brought this on him, _something he would never have asked for_ , but he’s searching in vain for a reason that doesn’t exist.

None of this is his fault, none of it could have been avoided, but Jacob kept heaping on the blame, unable to find anywhere else to look to for solace. Relief doesn’t come to him.

Taking his head into his hands, Jacob gripped his head so tightly that the warning stabs he felt on his scalp were a temporary escape from the pain which held his entire being in its cruel thrall. And the worst thing is, is that he knew that it wouldn’t leave him, not ever. He doubted that even dying would have made the pain stop, but it would be an escape from having to feel it in every limb, every thought, every emotion.

Death was starting to look a lot more appealing.

Jacob was never suicidal, not ever, not even when his life took such a dangerous turn into the lands of fable and myth. But that one thing which was supposed to bring him happiness, relief in a world where he could find it nowhere else, was given way to thoughts about just how worthless he was, to thoughts of death.

 _He doesn’t need you, why would he need you? He has her; he has the girl of his dreams, one who can give him that sweet innocent love untainted by anything unnatural. What could you offer him that she couldn’t?_ Jacob tucked his head between his knees, holding it so hard and tightly, but it wasn’t enough to blot out the pain, to blot out the dark thoughts which refuse to go away no matter what.

If it would make the voice stop, Jacob would be perfectly willing to just end it all, because nothing could compare to that torture, that hell, which he was going through.

 _Death, escape, need to escape, doesn’t need me, doesn’t love me, hates me, **worthless**_. Jacob’s thoughts were nothing more than ramblings with no real cohesion to them except for the knowledge that the one he had imprinted on, the one that would mean everything to him, could never love him, could never need him. All the one who he had imprinted on could ever do was hate him.

Not only had he been rejected by the only one who could make him whole, but the entire debacle had made him an enemy, an outcast of his family and pack. Jacob can’t escape from that terrible reality that he was alone in the world, with no one and nowhere to turn to. Another purpose, one more scrap of clinging to reality was torn away.

There was no comforting ‘ _everything will be alright_ ’, instead all that echoed through Jacob’s mind was that dark voice telling him to do it, to end his life because there was nothing left for him. Only in death would he ever be able to free the one who he’d come to care so much about unwillingly, only then would they be grateful to him. It wasn’t so much that this was motivated by his own selfish desires, _but it is because he wants the pain and suffering to just stop_ , but also for some perverse and twisted wish to free the one he’s bound so tightly to.

The closet doors weren’t shut all the way, and Jacob could see the corner of his desk from where he sat huddled in the bleak sanctuary of his closet. He knew about the scissors which were kept in one of the drawers of that desk, it wouldn’t be that hard, to just retrieve them and use them to take care of the problem which his life presented.

All of this had to happen to him. Bella would hate him, loathe him, because of this. Obviously she’d blame him for this having happened, even though he had no control over it. She was unstable in the way that she needed him, the leech, _just as much as Jacob knew that he needed him_ , and there was no way that she would ever just give him up. She had fought too hard and for too long to just give him up, or to even ask him to step in and save him; it would be better for Jacob to just tear himself apart, that way no one else would have to get hurt.

He was the only one hurting, and the mere thought of making him, _Edward_ , hurt too meant that Jacob felt the pain even more. Every part of him railed against that, even that small part of him which had been telling him how disgusting he was for letting this happen.

It wasn’t until the scissors were in his hands, and he was making jagged slashes across his wrists, that he felt any kind of relief; even if it was only temporary.

 **\- -**

Billy Black was starting to adjust to tragedy. He was still reeling from the death of one of his closest friends, Harry, and now he was having to deal with a mess of other things. Lately, he’d been so preoccupied with dealing with the everyday trials which faced him as an elder of their tribe, that he’d neglected his son.

At first, he hadn’t been too worried about Jacob. After all, he had the entire pack to look out for him and to hang out with whenever he wanted too. But after that day’s visit with Quil and his family, Billy was starting to get worried.

 _“No, I haven’t seen Jake around for days.”_

Quil was one of Jacob’s closest friends, they’d been friends since they were in diapers, and if he didn’t know, then it was unlikely that anyone else would. He didn’t need that leech’s mind-reading ability to know that something was wrong.

He just didn’t know that something was very, **_very_** wrong.

When he got back from his talk with Sue (and Seth had been kind enough to offer to help him back to his house), he came home to find that all the lights were off and the entire place was dead silent. Billy turned to ask Seth, who had much sharper senses then him, if there were any unusual scents or sounds coming from anywhere near the house, but the horrified look on Seth’s face told him almost everything.

Seth leapt into action before Billy could see. He was around the elderly man and down the hall in a flash, and he opened the door to Jacob’s room with such force that it nearly ripped it off its hinges. Everything else was lost to Billy, to quiet for him to hear, but the anguish in Seth’s voice when he nearly shrieked orders at him scared him.

“Call 911! Hurry! Jake’s not going to last much longer!”

 **\- -**

The wait in the small, reservation hospital room was agonizing. Billy sat there, white as a ghost while he waited for news on his son. No one had told him what was going on, except that Jacob had tried to kill himself using a pair of scissors and that he’d nearly been successful. If Seth hadn’t found him when he did, then Jacob would’ve been dead.

Billy had known the risks of letting the reservation nurses treat his son, he had to protect the tribe’s secret, so when they told him that they were going to have to call the leech doctor down because they weren’t authorized to perform any sort of treatment for the wounds which Jacob had sustained, Billy welcomed the news. This would be keeping the secret, and the doctor would know what to do; he might not have ever treated a werewolf before, but he had some faith (despite the doctor being his tribe’s mortal enemy) that he would know what to do.

The wait, for news and the doctor’s arrival, were taking their toll on the older man. Seth sat beside him, his hands clenched so tightly together that they were shaking. His eyes stared at the floor with a distant look to them, and his body was slumped forward in the chair. This was hard on him too, Seth had looked up to Jacob like an older brother.

Seth’s head snapped up when the blond doctor walked in, looking more like a fashion model then a small town doctor, but there was an air of calm reassurance about him that just set one at ease. For a moment, the leech looked around the waiting room, before he spotted the two of them, hunched over in their seats but looking at him with entreaty in their eyes. For as much as Billy despised the Cullens, he still had faith that he’d be able to save his son.

“Mr. Black,” he greeted. “I’m doctor Carlisle Cullen, I’ll be treating your son.”

For whatever reason he felt like giving an introduction, he did. Seth’s couldn’t stop staring at him, and Carlisle gave him a warm smile in return, which seemed to reassure the young teen, because his posture relaxed from its tense bearing, and his hands stopped shaking.

“I’ll do everything I can to make sure that Jacob pulls through,” and then he swept from the waiting room on the heels of one of the nurses.

Now all Seth and Billy could do was wait. Wait and hope that whatever had driven Jacob into doing this would be resolved; both couldn’t deal with the loss of someone else so close to them.

 **\- -**

Carlisle really didn’t need the nurse’s help to show him where he was supposed to go to find the young werewolf, he could simply follow the scent, but he had a human charade to keep up for her benefit. So he followed behind her at what could have been considered an agonizingly slow pace.

She stopped in front of a plain, unmarked door in the ICU, “This is it. Please call if you need any more assistance.”

“Yes, of course,” Carlisle didn’t wait for her to leave before he pushed open the door and stepped into the room.

The scent of blood was weak, just like the heartbeat which pumped the blood through the young werewolf’s veins, and his breathing was shallow and ragged. Carlisle frowned, and was immediately at the youth’s bedside, and was shocked at what he saw.

Bandages had been wrapped snugly around his neck and wrists, the latter of which were encased in restraints which were then attached securely to the bed frame (the bed in question was nailed securely to the floor). The werewolf’s skin had an unhealthy ashen hue to it, reminiscent of a corpse, and he was completely still.

Carlisle placed his hand on the youth’s forehead. The skin was too cold, unnaturally close to his own skin temperature; he doubted that the werewolf would have noticed any difference. Taking his hand away, Carlisle picked up the chart which had been left at the end of the werewolf’s bed and began to quickly read through it. He made a quick list of what he needed to see to, and what treatment options there were.

 _Superficial wounds to the neck, hesitation cuts on the wrists and forearms, with heavy bleeding originating from two large, deep wounds on the patients wrists._ It was an effective way of suicide, and usually was the resort of someone who had no other way to take their own life. Carlisle knew that he’d probably used a weapon or object of convenience, one that was close by and he had easy access to.

Looking up from the chart, Carlisle knew that the gashes on Jacob’s wrists would need to be stitched up or else they wouldn’t be able to heal properly. Setting his case down on the edge of the bed, Carlisle set to work.

There was a sterile tray on the small rolling cart, and a chair, both of which Carlisle pulled to Jacob’s bedside. He set out everything he would need on the tray, and took a seat on the chair before setting himself to work.

First, he cut off the bandages which the nurses had so hastily applied to slow the rate of bleeding, and they began to pulse slowly with blood when Carlisle removed them. He applied the necessary pressure to slow the bleeding, and sterilized the wound and area with an alcohol swab, before he carefully and slowly began to stitch the wound shut.

His stitches weren’t as neat or small as Esme’s were, but they were effective and would do the job they were meant to do well. The biggest concern Carlisle had, was him tearing the stitches if he struggled, which was obviously way he’d been restrained and sedated. Of course, they couldn’t keep Jacob like this forever, eventually he would be moved to a room where he wouldn’t be able to hurt himself in the psychiatric ward.

Obviously in a town as small as Forks, a psychiatric ward was unheard of, much less in a small reserve hospital. Carlisle knew that this tiny hospital wouldn’t be well-equipped for dealing with something like this; which meant that either a room would have to be designated and refurnished for Jacob, or he would have to be transferred to the Forks General Hospital.

This was all turning into quite a mess.

But, the question that was burning in Carlisle’s mind as he treated the unconscious Jacob’s self-inflicted wounds, was why? Why had Jacob done this? What had driven him to such an extreme measure? None of it was making too much sense to him, and unless a suitable reason could be found, then Jacob could never fully recover.

Carlisle felt his heart ache, even though it didn’t beat any longer, because he couldn’t bear to see someone in such pain. It recalled back those painful moments when Esme, _beautiful Esme who had been so alive and vibrant with life when he had first saw her_ , had been brought into the morgue near death. It wreaked havoc with Carlisle’s mind to know that someone else had tried to take their own life.

It couldn’t end like this, it just couldn’t.


	2. part ii

**title.** before the night turns into dawn  
 **fandom.** _twilight_ series  
 **pairing.** edward cullen x jacob black  
 **rating.** pg13  
 **part.** part ii  
 **words.** 3 181 words  
 **notes/warnings.** inspired by _never too late_ by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.  
 **disclaimer.** i do not own the _twilight_ series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.  
  
 **part ii**

The monitors were too loud in the silence of the hospital room. Days had passed since Jacob’s attempted suicide, and there had been no change in the young man. Carlisle had authorized his transfer from the tiny reserve hospital to the better equipped Forks General Hospital for further observation. None of them had any idea of why he had attempted suicide still, but Billy believed that it was only a matter of time until everything was sorted out and he had an explanation.

He knew that the blond vampire had accompanied Carlisle to the hospital once, but he hadn’t been able to go into the room; something about the atmosphere of it. The details of the vampire’s abilities were sketchy at best. Seth would probably have a much better idea of what the gift entailed, the youngest werewolf had, after all, imprinted on the vampire.

What he found the most unnerving, though, was when Carlisle came to him with a grave look on his face and his mouth set in a grim line. Somehow, Billy knew that whatever it was that the vampire doctor needed to talk to him about, it couldn’t be good.

“I need to know a few things,” Carlisle began, “about imprinting.”

“Ask away, I’ll answer as best I can,” Billy replied in his usual gruff voice.

Carlisle pulled one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room of the Forks hospital up so that he was sitting across from Billy. He took a deep breath, his forearms resting on his knees, “How does imprinting work?”

“The moment that a wolf sees the one that they’re meant to be with, they imprint. It’s a way for them to find the other half of themselves, and it’s most potent within the first few months or so of it occurring,” Billy thought about Seth. “There’s no revoking it, and we can’t predict who one will imprint on.”

The doctor nodded, seeming to understand, “It’s not a conscious urge then, not something they can control.”

Despite the fact that it was a statement and not a question, Billy answered it as though it was, “Yes, that’s true.”

“Mister Black, is there any possibility... that your son could have imprinted?” Carlisle phrased his question delicately, and his voice was soft.

Billy frowned harshly, “Well I don’t think so. But I hadn’t seen him for a day or two before... this, it’s a possibility. Why? Why would you think this?”

“I saw Seth and Jasper in the hallway. I suppose it was just... the way they were, the way that Seth was acting towards Jasper that made me wonder if this was a possibility,” Carlisle explained carefully. “It made me wonder... could this have been because Jacob had imprinted? Of course, I can’t be sure until he wakes up. But I think that this is the most likely possibility.”

This left Billy with a lot to think about. He had to admit, Carlisle’s theory had a lot of draw to it, and it explained everything. Although, whoever it was that Jacob had imprinted on would remain a mystery until the werewolf was allowed to wake up. Carlisle had kept the young man sedated since he’d treated his wounds and had him moved to the hospital in Forks.

The hardest part for Billy, was keeping Charlie away. Of course Charlie had found out, he was the sheriff of Forks, and he knew everything that happened. He had promised to keep Jacob’s attempted suicide a secret, since it could cause a wave of controversy in the small town, but he was very worried and concerned about the young man. He’d offered Billy the spare room at his place, which the older man had accepted.

Charlie had his own suspicions about why Jacob had tried to kill himself, and it involved his daughter, Isabella. He seemed to think that because Bella had gone back to Edward without a thought after he’d left her the way he had, that Jacob felt used and abandoned; and that this was his attempt to lessen the pain of having to experience that. Billy had decided not to tell him about the fact that Jacob hadn’t just tried to kill himself that night, but had been cutting himself as well.

Less was always good with Charlie; he tended to blow things out of proportion.

But he did seem happy to see that the rifts between the Cullens and those on the reservation were beginning to close. He seemed to fully support the rather... tentative relationship which was forming between Jasper and Seth, but the details weren’t known to him.

Jasper still had a strong relationship with the vampires whom he’d been with for decades, but they were very understanding of each other, that they knew when to stay at a distance from each other and give the other all the support the other would need. Alice liked Seth anyways, saying that she liked the aura he had about him, and his innocence was strangely endearing. She really didn’t mind sharing her husband with him; she could learn to love him too.

It was a strange feeling, knowing that there wasn’t that huge ‘arch-enemies’ rift between their tribe and vampires. The imprinting proved that, but none of them had known this beforehand; they’d thought that it was impossible.

That’s when it hit Billy. His son could have imprinted on a leech, it was a possibility.

It explained everything. The attempted suicide, the cutting; it explained all of that. Billy lunged for the phone that Charlie had left on the nightstand near his bed. He had to call Carlisle.

 **\- -**

Carlisle had just given the go ahead for removing Jacob from sedation. It wasn’t healthy to keep a young man unconscious unnaturally for so long, and he decided that it was good time to start finding out why Jacob had done what he had. There were a lot of unanswered questions that needed sufficient answers, and Carlisle needed to know everything.

He was looking over the chart for another patient when one of the nurses approached him, “Doctor Cullen, there’s a phoneng call for you. It’s Billy Black, he says it’s urgent.”

“Hm?” He put the chart away, and straightened himself out at his desk. “Put him through please.”

“Of course,” the nurse retreated back outside into the reception area of the hospital. The phone on Carlisle’s desk rang, he picked it up before the first ring had even finished.

“Hello?”

“Doctor Cullen, I’ve been thinking about what you said... and I have to agree with you,” Billy said in a rush. “I think that it’s true and that Jacob did imprint, but what I’m worried about is just who it is that he’s imprinted on.”

He continued, not letting Carlisle interrupt.

“And since Seth is the first wolf in our history to have imprinted on a vampire, I think that Jacob may have imprinted on someone in your coven.”

Carlisle mulled that over for a few minutes before he replied, “I think that, given the circumstances, you’re idea is very probable. We’re going to take Jacob off the sedatives shortly, I’ve told Jasper to pick you up; he should be there shortly.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, then, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“We don’t want to keep him unconscious for too long, it could throw off his body’s natural rhythms, and he will need to have a psychological assessment before we decide on any further courses of action.”

“Are you trained to do that?”

“I’m not planning on having a professional do it, just having Jasper come to the door when Jacob wakes up will be sufficient. I only feel that we need to know if he’s emotionally stable enough for him to be released from the hospital; I can understand that the bills will be hard to deal with.”

“We’re not insured to cover this,” Billy replied softly.

“I can cover the costs, rest assured that it won’t be an inconvenience to us,” Carlisle told Billy reassuringly. “And if you’re right in your guess at what caused Jacob to do this, then I feel that it’s my family’s and my responsibility to make sure that he makes a full recovery.”

“You’ve done a lot for him, I can’t say that I think like what you are, but I will admit, doctor Cullen, that you are a good person. I can’t say that for the rest of your family, though.”

Carlisle knew that he was referring to Edward. Well, Carlisle had to agree that Edward wasn’t in his good books either, not with what he’d done in regards to Bella. It had been a stupid decision to do what he’d done, and Carlisle regretted having gone along with the idea. After all, accidents did happen, and now that the Volturi had gotten involved meant that everyone who was close to either the Cullens or Bella was in danger of serious repercussions.

The Volturi wouldn’t look too well on something like the relationship which had formed between Jasper and Seth, nor the one which Alice was starting to try and forge with the young wolf too. Seth was still very much human, which was breaking the laws about letting humans know about the secret world of vampires which lurked just out of their sight.

They’d already been toeing the line with how close they were to the humans, and Carlisle knew that any infractions on their part would lead to swift ‘justice’ being dealt out. As much of a necessity as the Volturi were Carlisle felt that sometimes they were too drunk on their own power. One of the reason why he couldn’t stay with them, apart from their differing views on food sources, was that Carlisle didn’t believe in creating vampires for the sole reason because their ‘gifts’ could prove useful. He was loath to stealing others’ lives, and he knew that he was very alone in that belief; these days, human life wasn’t cherished too much.

It was a consequence of the cold world of today that they lived in. There were no longer any illusions on the people that the world was as perfect and peaceful as they wished it could be. Those were childish notions which adults were quick to throw away.

Love had suffered greatly as well.

“Your son’s here, I’ll talk to you at the hospital.” The line went dead.

Carlisle set the phone aside and returned to his thoughts.

It was true; love wasn’t what it used to be. People got married, only to discover that they weren’t really in love, and then divorced to move on. Marriage had been a scared institution at one point, but today, it was just another temporary phase of life that could be discarded if it didn’t work out. It saddened Carlisle to think that people today couldn’t simply wait, and see if it was meant to be; instead they were rushing out to get married and start families.

He looked at the wolves, and their imprints. He thought about Sam and that young woman, Emily. Seeing them gave him hope that maybe there really was still some potential in love. They were going to get married, and Carlisle could see them having a long life together and having children. They definitely were going to make it.

Then there was Seth and Jasper. Now, there was a couple who’d be struggling to find a place in the world; they were just so mismatched that it was almost an impossibility that they were supposed to be together. Though, just watching them together was enough to dispel any doubts about the strength of love and what it truly was. Love had no boundaries, and was often a confusing and tricky entity that could turn enemies into lovers, and lovers into enemies. Carlisle thought that it made an ugly world much more bearable to be in, just seeing what love really was made everything seem brighter.

Which brought him back to the matter at hand. He didn’t like to believe that love could do wrong, but Carlisle couldn’t think of how something like imprinting could’ve driven Jacob to do what he had. Or, at least, attempt it. He didn’t think that suicide was ever the answer.

Standing up, Carlisle left his office, and was immediately confronted by the last person who he wanted to see at that moment.

Isabella Swan.

“Bella, this is a surprise.”

“Charlie told me about Jake,” she began, clenching and unclenching her hands in front of her chest. She wouldn’t make eye contact with Carlisle. “Is he going to be okay? It’s not my fault, is it? He didn’t try to kill himself because of what I did?”

Carlisle placed his hands on the young girl’s shoulders, trying to calm her down but not reveal anything of his suspicions to her. “Bella, please be calm. I’m not sure exactly why Jacob tried to commit suicide, but rest assured that it had nothing to do with you.”

She shook her head, “You can’t know that.”

He knew that Edward had to be nearby, so Carlisle was very careful with his thoughts. He kept his theory out of his mind, and instead focused on the human in front of him, “Bella, there’s no reason for you to think like this. All of this unnecessary worry isn’t good for you; please just go to the waiting room.”

“No, I want to see Jake.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Bella,” Carlisle began, but the young woman interrupted him, again.

“And why not? I’m his best friend, I want be sure that he’s okay.” She crossed her arms and stamped her foot on the ground. Carlisle knew that she wouldn’t give up, even if she had to throw a mini-tantrum in the middle of a hospital hallway to get her way.

Carlisle was beginning to have his doubts about her and Edward.

“Please Bella, I don’t think that it would be-”

“Let me see him damn it!”

Carlisle was saved from further having to damage his relationship with Bella when Jasper arrived, wheeling Billy down the hall, Seth close behind him.

“Carlisle,” was Jasper’s simple greeting.

“Doctor Cullen, Bella,” Billy greeted in his usual rough voice. He threw a dirty look Bella’s way, but said nothing to her. “How is he?”

“I was just waiting for you to arrive,” Carlisle replied. “He’s already been taken off the sedatives, he should be coming around shortly, please, follow me.”

It was pointless to try and dissuade Bella from following them, and Carlisle planned to ask an orderly to escort the young woman back to the waiting room, but when he opened the door to Jacob’s room, she was the first one through the door.

Almost immediately, Bella was at Jacob’s side. Carlisle watched as the young wolf shied away from her, not meeting her eyes. She reached for his hand, only to have Jacob jerk it away from her with a lightning fast movement. He drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them and stayed in a corner of the bed, refusing to meet any of their eyes and staying as far from them as possible.

“Jake...” Bella murmured. “What’s wrong? This is my fault isn’t it?”

Carlisle suddenly wished that he had Edward’s ability to read minds, it would be very useful.

The door slammed shut suddenly. Carlisle turned around, and realized that Jasper was gone. Whatever it was that Jacob was feeling, it was too strong for him to be in the same room as the young man and he needed to step outside. Seth looked from Billy to the door, he wheeled Billy to the side of the bed before nodding briefly at Carlisle before he followed Jasper out into the hall.

Carlisle was glad to see that; Seth had a calming, soothing affect on the blond vampire, and could alleviate some of the strongly negative feeling which occasionally overcame him. Jasper’s empathic abilities were often a double-bladed sword. On the one hand, it was incredibly useful in knowing how a person felt and for monitoring certain situations; but on the other hand, it was dangerous and draining for Jasper especially if the emotions were dark and negative.

It was good that Jasper had Seth; he could only hope that they could do the same for Jacob. The young man truly deserved someone to love him and look after him.

He watched as Billy nudged Bella out of the way so that he could be closer to his son, “Jacob?”

His son gave no outward sign that he’d heard his father; in fact, he gave no acknowledgement of everyone in the room. The chocolate brown of his eyes were devoid of any sign of life, and look dead and muddied. Jacob painted the perfect picture of misery; of someone who was just waiting to die, of someone for whom death would be the greatest blessing.

Now, Carlisle was starting to worry.

It took some time, but when Jacob showed no signs of responding to his father or to Bella, was Carlisle able to make the young girl leave. Bella was adamant about leaving, and put up a huge fuss over the entire thing. While Billy left without argument, she didn’t want to leave. Somehow, she seemed to believe that if she stayed, she’d be able to make Jacob better; a feat that Carlisle doubted she could achieve.

“Bella, as Jacob’s doctor I am going to have to ask you to leave,” Carlisle’s voice was firm, and he held the door open for her.

“But-!”

“No buts, Bella, please leave. It’s for the best.”

Still the young woman refused to leave. Carlisle was running out of options, he had never been on the receiving end of Bella’s stubborn nature, and it didn’t seem to even be stubbornness. It seemed to be more of pigheadedness, Bella seemed... deluded in some way. Almost as though she believed that she was the only way to make all of those around her better.

He was saved from having to physically removing Bella from the room by Edward’s timely arrival. He watched as his adopted son wrapped an arm around Bella’s shoulder, but he looked over at Jacob when he heard a small whimper work its way out of his throat.

It was only now that the young wolf was making any sort of acknowledgement that he wasn’t alone in the room. His eyes watched, with pain in them, as Edward wrapped an arm around Bella’s shoulders and drew her from the room. He winced when Edward threw him a look that could kill, if that was possible.

A little more clicked into place, and Carlisle was starting to piece together everything. It was a shocking, and tragic revelation, but it explained it all, including the desperate look he was directing at Edward which was tinged with hurt. Everything was explained by that tiny, yet simple, revelation.

Jacob had imprinted on Edward.


	3. part iii

**title.** before the night turns into dawn  
 **fandom.** _twilight_ series  
 **pairing.** edward cullen x jacob black  
 **rating.** pg  
 **part.** part iii  
 **words.** 2 723 words  
 **notes/warnings.** inspired by _never too late_ by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.  
 **disclaimer.** i do not own the _twilight_ series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.  
  
 **part iii.**

The simple idea of all of it seems so preposterous, but Jasper and Seth had proven that nothing was impossible in the world. Carlisle knew that this, though, was different in that Edward's relationship with Bella was complicated, and delicate at best. That thin thread of sanity within the young woman had snapped, and had sent everyone spinning into a whirlwind descent into chaos.

Her whining voice echoed back through the halls of the hospital as she demanded that Edward tell her why her best friend had tried to commit suicide.

 _Please, don't tell her._

Carlisle wasn't too sure about the reasons behind his silent plea to his son in every way but blood, but he didn't believe that Bella would take this news too well. She'd just got Edward back, there was no way that she was ever going to let him go again. Whatever it was that brought on imprinting, it had obviously been too little too late. After all, even if Jacob and Edward were meant to be together, were soul-mates in every meaning of the word, there was just no way that it could be possible.

Only now did Carlisle regret ever letting the connection between Edward and Bella grow to the dysfunctional and abusive relationship that it now was. Nothing about it was healthy, and Carlisle could only see it ending in unhappiness.

What made it all the more tragic was that Jacob would never get anything near a happy ending. It was too much like a Shakespearean tragedy, only in this one, Romeo and Juliet lived to unhappily ever after, and it was the one who truly loved Romeo who died a lonely death.

For now, Carlisle had to keep Edward and Bella away from Jacob. Because if Bella wished that Jacob would just die, he knew that Edward would do whatever it took to make sure that it happened; even if it meant shattering some part of his heart to do it. All it would take was for him to tell Jacob that he wanted him to die.

Then there would be no point in anything that Carlisle, or anyone else could do, just knowing that the one whom he'd imprinted on didn't want him to even live would be enough to send Jacob into a state of depression from which he'd never recover. It didn't seem fair to Carlisle that something like this should ever happen, it was why he'd been slightly hesitant about giving his approval on Edward's relationship with Bella.

Something about the entire relationship just screamed abuse, and it just seemed more prevalent after they'd returned. Edward couldn't even go on a proper hunting trip without being terrified that Bella would believe that he'd abandoned her and she'd do something stupid to make him unwilling to leave her even more.

Maybe a few months in a psych ward would do her a little good.

Knowing that there was nothing else that he could do for Jacob at that moment, Carlisle turned away from him after telling him that if there was anything that he needed, he just had to ask. He made his way back towards the front lobby where Billy and Charlie were anxiously awaiting news.

Against a wall near the entrance to the lobby, Carlisle found Jasper and Seth. The vampire still looked to be in pain, his arm was draped casually around Seth's waist, but it was more of a way for him to intensify his empathic ability. If he had physical contact, it would strengthen his connection with the young werewolf and helped him better overcome the hugely negative emotions he knew that Jacob was experiencing.

Seth's head was resting on Jasper's chest, close to his neck and just over where Jasper's still heart was. His eyes were half-closed, and one of his hands was pressed against the vampire's chest. All in all, it was a very peaceful scene which cheered Carlisle greatly.

At the very least, there was still hope for the world yet.

It was Seth who looked up when the subtle tapping of Carlisle's shoes on the linoleum floor. His eyes met the dull gold of Carlisle's, almost as if seeking some sort of confirmation. Obviously, the truth had come out, and it wasn't surprising that Seth knew; Jasper would have known easily, tasting the emotional atmosphere of the hospital with his unusual gift.

“What is Edward going to do?” Seth's soft voice broke the silence.

Carlisle paused, unsure of what he should say, “I don't know. But I need to talk to Charlie and Billy, I think it would be best if Bella was kept away from Jacob until he's more... stable.”

In an almost imperceptible movement, Jasper's hand tightened its grip around Seth's waist, pulling the young wolf closer. Seth looked away from Carlisle and looked up at the vampire who he'd imprinted on and would do anything for. There was no need for words, they understood each other on a level that was surprising given the length of time that they'd been together.

“We'll handle Edward.”

Carlisle could see a lot wrong with letting that happen, but Edward would need something hard an brutal in order to come to terms with everything. This wasn't something he could talk to Bella about; he'd have to start confiding in his family again. No more of this 'it's for Bella's well-being' or any other excuses, now this was about something more then Edward's rather selfish desires.

“Just try to keep any aggressive action to a minimum; I don't think Esme would appreciate having to replace any windows, walls, or fix holes in her walls.”

With that warning in place, Carlisle left the odd couple and proceeded into the hospital's lobby to speak with Billy Black and Charlie Swan.

\- -

The moment Carlisle Cullen stepped through the doors into the lobby, he knew that there was something terribly wrong. His stomach felt uneasy, and was doing back-flips. He cared about Jacob just as much, and maybe just a little bit more, then he did his own daughter and he could pinpoint the exact reasons as to why.

Unlike Bella, he'd watched Jacob go from diapers to the young man he'd become now, and Jacob had never complained or made an effort to show that he liked Forks; it was all genuine. Charlie liked that, the almost transparent honesty that Jacob demonstrated. While there were times that he felt Jacob was hiding things from him, but he knew that they were things that he didn't need to know. Sometimes, less was more.

But the unease he felt settling into his abdomen told him that things were going to change.

And change big time.

“Good afternoon mister Black, Chief Swan,” Carlisle greeted the two of them, taking a seat in one of the hard plastic seats across from them. “I have good news... and I have bad news, which would you prefer to hear first?”

“The bad news,” Billy replied in his usual gruff manner.

Carlisle sighed and averted his eyes, “The bad news is that we now know why your son tried to take his own life.”

“Why?” Charlie couldn't help but ask.

A brief glance between Carlisle and Billy, then, “Chief Swan, it's because he, well, he fell in love with someone that he couldn't have.”

Charlie frowned, trying to work out what that meant. There could be any number of people who that could apply to, but he couldn't quite figure out with any certainty just who that could be. He'd need just a little more information, and he would luckily be getting that much sooner then he'd expected.

“But the good news is that he's stabilized, and we can have hope that he'll eventually recover if he has the proper support from family and friends.” There was something more then that, Charlie could tell, but he couldn't read past the lines.

“We can't keep him here in the hospital for much longer, but I don't think that he should be left on his own until his mental state has settled back into something more stable. I want to keep a close eye on him as well.”

Charlie was about to offer up the spare bedroom at his place, but hesitated when he thought about the scene that he'd overheard his daughter having with her boyfriend just moments ago. Something about it wouldn't leave him alone, and he decided that it would be much better if he kept as much space between Bella and Jacob as possible.

“You're the doctor here,” Billy replied. “I'll trust that you'll do whatever's best for my son.”

“I thank you for your faith in me, I think... I think it would be best if Jacob stayed with me and my family until I can be sure that he'll make a full recovery.”

“Do you really think that would be best?” Something in Billy's voice told Charlie that there was something more to this request then what was actually said, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

“Yes, I think this would be best to resolve the... issues, that Jacob's been experiencing.”

Billy frowned but made no more protests, “Well, if you think that it's best, then I've got no objections. I can come visit him though, right?”

“Yes, of course, I think that'll definitely be helpful for him to know that you'll support him through this, and despite his attempt, that you still love him,” Carlisle replied with a warm smile. “And Charlie, you're always welcome as well.”

Taken aback, Charlie blinked in shock before he found his voice to respond, “Oh well, um... sure, if that'll help Jake.”

“It will, I'm sure.”

\- -

He hated himself even more. Jacob knew that it was useless, and he'd hoped that he'd never have to face Edward, because it only hurt him more to know that the one he'd imprinted on knew that he'd been the reason for his attempted suicide. Jacob hated that he might have caused Edward pain, and it made him loathe himself more then before.

The last thing on Edward's mind was Jacob Black.

It hurt Jacob much more then he cared to admit. This, though, had to be a pain that Jacob had to bear alone, because no one else would want him around, or even care about what happened to him, now that he'd imprinted on his mortal enemy.

Carlisle would have obviously told his father about his imprinting, and it only hurt Jacob more to know that his father would hate him so much. There was no way that he was ever going to be able escape the consequences of something that he couldn't change. It wasn't his fault, but Jacob kept blaming himself for it; there had to be something wrong with him, because this... this wasn't natural.

Jacob found it most difficult to deal with the fact that he hated himself for making Edward feel any pain about something he'd done.

He wasn't stupid, he remembered what Bella had told him about her vampire sweetheart. He knew that Edward would blame himself extensively for anything that he thought might be his fault, and even if they were enemies, he didn't doubt that Edward would have wanted this. Of course, though, he doubted that Edward would ever do anything to try and stabilize him; that was too much to hope for.

They were still mortal enemies, and Edward was already in love and tied so tightly to someone else; Jacob's best friend. No matter how much Jacob wanted Edward to be his, he knew that it would never be possible. After all, he still loved Bella, maybe not how he'd once had, but it would still be better if he'd been allowed to die, because then both of them would've been happier, better off, without him.

That was right, that's why he'd decided that it would be for the best if he died, everyone would be happier without him.

\- -

Bella wasn't pleased at him, that much Edward knew. When he'd refused to tell her anything under the guise that he didn't know what was going on, she'd yelled at him that she knew he was lying, and she would find out no matter what she had to do to find out.

Somehow, it didn't seem like she was so much the sweet and innocent girl that he'd first fallen in love with. It was as though something dark had wormed its way into her and had corrupted her from the inside out. Or maybe, this had always been inside of her, and he'd just overlooked it. After all, Edward had been so desperately searching for something, **_someone_** , to fill that void inside of himself even though he hadn't been aware that he'd been looking.

Could it be a possibility that Bella wasn't what he'd been looking for?

Had Edward opened the proverbial Pandora's box and cursed his family?

It was possible that just maybe he'd been unconsciously looking for something else, but his conscious mind had instead kept the values which he'd known as a human. And now that he thought he had what he'd always wanted, something came up to show that it wasn't what he really needed.

Since he'd driven Bella in her truck to the hospital, Edward had no conventional means to get home. He could always walk or run, but during the day that was running a high risk. But he did need time to clear his head, so Edward headed out into the woods.

Unfortunately, he didn't get much time to himself.

“Conflicted?”

He hadn't heard Jasper following him, not his thoughts, nor his actual approach. But then, Jasper had always been the most stealthy out of all of the family. It had to do with his survival through the hell which he'd lived through during the first century or so of his new vampire life.

“Yes... maybe... I don't know...” Edward's voice sounded broken, distant. He really didn't know anymore what he wanted, or what he needed.

Not bothering to use his particular gift to keep Edward calm, Jasper stayed a few feet back from the distressed younger vampire, instead using it to read the emotional turmoil that he was experiencing. But still, just the presence of the older vampire was enough to keep Edward from snapping.

“You are, you're doubting yourself.” The fact that Jasper didn't use his thoughts to communicate with Edward, as everyone did, gave a clear picture of what Edward's mental state was.

Normally, Edward could filter the 'voices' which he heard, blocking out those which he didn't want to hear but right then, he couldn't. He could hear Carlisle's, Billy's, Charlie's, Jasper's, Seth's... Jacob's. The last one was the one which was completely destroying his mental concentration.

“All this time, you've been denying things.”

 _No, no, no...!_

Edward's legs gave out beneath him, sending him to his knees. He wanted to deny Jasper's accusation, but something in him kept him from verbally doing so. Instead, he was stuck within his mind, parts of him rebelling against it, and others welcoming it with surprisingly open arms.

“You have a chance to go after something that won't hurt you, Edward, so why are you fighting it? Why are you running from it?”

 _Why are you running from it...?_

Something about what Jasper was saying rang true, but Edward didn't want to admit it. He'd been so sure about everything, about his love for Bella, his lack of his soul. There was a lot that he'd been so sure of, but now, all of that was thrown into chaos, and he wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Edward felt alone, something he thought he'd cured when he'd found Bella. But had what he'd felt when he first met her, that blood lust, had it merely led to a curiosity? Could it be possible that he'd never really loved her? And that everything he'd felt for her had simply been intrigue for why he couldn't hear her thoughts? Why he wanted her blood so much?

He didn't know anymore, nothing made sense.


	4. part iv

**title.** before the night turns into dawn  
 **fandom.** _twilight_ series  
 **pairing.** edward cullen x jacob black  
 **rating.** pg  
 **part.** part iv  
 **words.** 3 083 words  
 **notes/warnings.** inspired by _never too late_ by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.  
 **disclaimer.** i do not own the _twilight_ series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.  
  
 **part iv.**

Trying to keep anything secret from Jacob was difficult. The young shape-shifter didn't have any special abilities to speak of, but he was incredibly attuned to Edward's very presence, and he knew that the scent of the young vampire was old. It didn't help his stability at all.

While Carlisle was fretting over whether or not restraints would be needed for Jacob's transfer into his home, he was speaking to the nurse about keeping Jacob sedated during the move, lying through his teeth about the dosages that would be needed. After all, Jacob's body temperature caused most medications to burn off much quicker then a regular person. Carlisle was working with trial and error in regards to how much of the sedative he would need to administer in order to keep Jacob under.

Billy knew that Jacob was no longer unconscious or being kept unconscious, but he also knew that it was a necessity for his transport to the Cullen household. He wasn't too keen on the idea of his son being in the same house as a bunch of leeches, but it would be safer for him there.

The pack was very divided in regards to Seth's imprinting on a vampire. It was only after assurances from the other Elders that it was extremely rare and unlikely to happen more then once every hundred years or so, they'd chosen to let it go and live with it. Still, it had caused a division in the pack, between those who didn't believe it was true, and those who supported it or just didn't really care; it wasn't their life, after all.

It left everyone taking sides, and if it came out now that Jacob's attempted suicide was because of a leech... needless to say that it cause a lot of unnecessary tension between the wolves and the Cullens. That was the last thing they needed.

Tearing apart the pack was something that no one would allow, and that was precisely what would happen. Billy was stressed enough as it was, worrying himself to exhaustion over his son, that he didn't need the extra concerns. Sam was trying to help, by keeping everyone as out of the loop as possible; it helped, though, that he didn't know much about the situation either. Under strict orders from the Elders, Seth wasn't allowed to phase until this entire dark

“Mr. Black you're, off course welcome to visit your son whenever you want too,” Carlisle was saying. “I'm sure that Seth or Jasper would be more then happy to drive you.”

The young wolf in question was exhausted, and was using Jasper's shoulder as a pillow, snoring lightly as he slept. He hadn't slept very much in the past few days, he'd stayed at the hospital with Billy to keep him company and so that he could stay up to date on what was going on with Jacob. His vampire love had stayed because of Seth. The pitch black color of his eyes spoke volumes about just how much Seth meant to him.

Imprinting was truly a mysterious force.

“Thank you doctor Cullen,” Billy replied. “For everything. I just want all of this to end well, Jacob is all I have. He means a lot to me.”

A small smile touched Carlisle's lips, “I understand. This will all work out, I don't need to an ability to see the future to know that. It'll be fine.”

Billy snorted, “I don't know how much Edward knows about imprinting, but it's a good thing that he's gone. He'd better think this through, cause I won't lose my only son because of his stupid actions.”

“Edward over thinks things, but he'll do the right thing; I'm sure.”

 **\- -**

For Edward, going anywhere where there were people who he knew, was out of the question. Going to Alaska meant facing Tanya, and she was the last person who he wanted to see. And Tanya would automatically think that something had gone wrong between him and Bella (which was true), which meant that she'd probably try to make a move on him. That was the last thing that Edward needed; he was confused enough as it was with the whole imprinting thing.

Tanya was just a friend, and even if she gave him sound advice on a occasion, she was still quite interested in him as a lover.

Which was why Edward had found the most isolate place he could in the middle of the Albertan Rockies where he was sure that no one would follow him. He need time alone, where he could think. Too much had happened in a such a short period of time, and he had no idea of what he wanted or what he should do.

Going back meant facing Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, Bella, Seth. **_Jacob_**. Why did it have to be like this? Love triangles didn't need to be this complicated! He had wanted the wolf to find someone, if only so he wouldn't be spending the rest of his life pining over Bella, but he'd never wanted this! This... imprinting gave the both of them so many problems that would be almost impossible to make it work.

The largest problem, was Bella.

Wait, was he actually considering going through with this? Didn't he love Bella? Want nothing more then to be with her? He'd been willing to die for her, let himself be destroyed because he couldn't face the reality of a world without her. What had changed?

Edward sighed, throwing away all of the unneeded questions. What he needed to do was get straight down to what was truly bothering him. That was how he'd always solved these issues, by stripping it down to its foundations. You found your answers that way, if you worried about the superficial bits, then it would take you forever to sort through all of the unneeded questions.

Something about Bella had changed, that was what was wrong.

She wasn't the woman he'd fallen in love with, or thought he had. Edward's experiences with love were very, well, they were non-existent. He'd had nothing to compare the confusing feelings that he had towards her, and he'd been so sure too that it was love he felt, and not some strange curiosity.

When he'd asked Emmett, he hadn't been too helpful. Emmett's only thought when he'd met Rosalie, and then, was that she was his angel and would be the only one, ever, for him. It was a simple love, but for the two of them, it worked. Of course, it hadn't helped Edward at all with his problems involving Bella, so he'd been left with very little to go on.

Carlisle had been happy for him, and had encouraged him to take it slow, to get to know her better. He was ecstatic that Edward may have found someone who could fill that place inside of him, and Esme was thrilled too. His 'parents' were very supportive through the entire process.

On the other hand, Alice and Jasper had been a little more, well, reserved. Alice had warned him to take it slow, and had asked Edward if it was something that he really wanted. She'd offered him everything that she could, all of the advice she could offer was his if he ever needed it. If he chose to go through with it, then she'd support him and do whatever it took to keep him and Bella happy and together.

Jasper, though, was much more hesitant about accepting the human girl. As Jasper had put it, something about her hadn't seemed right. When he'd first been officially introduced to her, he'd said that something about her didn't seem too stable to him. Something could snap in her easily. Bella's unnatural depression and clingy possessiveness that he witnessed when they were hiding her from the hunter only seemed to prove his suspicions.

There had been no exaggeration when Jasper had called him out on the rather abusive nature of their relationship, it was completely true. But Edward had denied it at the time, hadn't believed it to be true. Bella was too perfect, too beautiful and kind for her to be like that. Now, though, he could see the holes, the dark nature of her feelings for him.

She needed someone who she could cling too in order to keep her from turning into a zombie, and she'd apparently found that person in Edward. He was too easy to manipulate, because of his firm belief in his deep love for her. Edward would be there whenever she was on the brink of a breakdown, and he'd stitch her back up again only for her to feel that he belonged to her, and only her, even more. Bella's emotional and mental stability was entirely dependent on him, and she planned to use him as thoroughly as she could.

That realization left Edward reeling. He felt cold and empty inside, not to mention violated. He'd opened himself up to this girl, and she'd taken advantage of him for her own selfish needs. How could he ever have believed that he loved her?

Again, that was a difficult thing for Edward to come to terms with. He'd been so lonely for so long, that he'd been desperate for someone to fill that long empty void inside of him that he'd looked anywhere to fill it. Even if it meant that he'd be used, he was too willing for it. Bella had, for a while, been what he needed, had filled that void, but her sinister intentions couldn't stay hidden from him for long.

What made it worse was Edward had started to see the rotting seams which held them together, and he'd ignored them. He hadn't wanted to believe that he'd made a mistake, because that would mean that he'd have to start all over again. It meant that he'd be alone again. He would miss the warmth in his chest of having someone there too much to give it up.

Now, though, he had a chance for a more healthy relationship, and he was worrying about it in the middle of nowhere, with no idea of what to do still. He could choose to give Jacob a chance, which would probably be best (and he hated to admit that), or he could continue on with his unhealthy relationship with Bella, ignoring all of the cracks.

Edward let another sigh slip past his lips, everything was so much more difficult now. Why couldn't it have stayed simple?

 **\- -**

Charlie was shocked, it was too difficult to find words to express the situation. It wasn't until Billy stuttered out something weakly, that he finally broke out of his trance to ask, “How did he break out?”

“One of the nurses was bringing him in lunch,” Carlisle explained with a heavy sigh; rubbing his temples with his fingers. “He slipped out and past her, then went straight into the woods. We can't be sure of where's gone.”

“I'll get the force on it,” Charlie offered. “We'll look everywhere for him, he can't have gotten far.”

A brief nod from Carlisle, “Yes, that's a good idea. Thank you Charlie.”

Forks' chief of police was out of the hospital waiting room in seconds, and then he was speeding on his way to the police station to start organizing a search party to find Jacob. Even if Carlisle and Billy knew that it was fruitless, it gave Charlie something to do to take his mind off the fact that Bella was mixed up in all of this, and not in a good way.

He loved his daughter, but he loved Jacob as he would his own son. Forcing him to choose between Jacob and Bella would be too much, it would be best if everything worked out well. Though, Bella's attitude would pose a huge problem. She wouldn't be willing to let go of Edward any time soon, he was too important to her well-being and stability for her to give him up easily.

“He went looking for him, didn't he.” Carlisle knew that it wasn't a question, but he still treated as though it was.

“That's most likely where he's gone. The connection between those who imprint is very strong, maybe even stronger then the connection between mates.”

“Mates?”

Carlisle nodded, “Our equivalent to imprinting. When you find the one who is your mate, everything clicks into place. Everything is right, you would never need anyone or anything else as long as you have them.”

“... I see. How do you think Charlie will take this newest development?”

“Somehow, I don't think that he'll be too surprised. I think he's known for far longer then we have that this relationship between Edward and his daughter was never going to end well. He's probably known how unhealthy it is, that's why he's been pushing her towards Jacob. He just... didn't want to think that his daughter was the one causing it to be unhealthy.”

“I'd say that it was all that vampire's fault, but I somehow doubt that it is.”

Shrugging, Carlisle turned away, looking over at Seth and Jasper, who were having a hushed conversation in the corner of the waiting room. Seth seemed agitated and worried, but Jasper was keeping him calm, kept telling him to think things through before he acted. The two of them were so perfect together, that Carlisle knew he had nothing to worry about.

Edward and Jacob were perfect for each other, they just had to see that for themselves.

 **\- -**

Edward had taken to pacing in his small little clearing, working through his problems that he was running from. It didn't help that he knew he'd have to confront Jacob soon, especially after seeing the state which he'd been in last time he'd seen him. It wasn't fair for him to just leave him like that, Edward's heart went out to Jacob, even if he had hated him.

No one deserved to be driven to the point where they felt that their only way out was to take their own life, and Edward hated himself for being the reason for why Jacob had tried. He'd never actually said outright that he hated the young man, he had said that he owed him quite a lot, however. But how do you say to someone who was supposed to be your mortal enemy that you'd be willing to take a chance to fall in love with them?

Edward really had no idea.

He'd been pacing the same path for days, now, and had worn himself a little tract in the round for his problems. The entire clearing was soaked in his scent, a beacon for anyone who was looking for him. Edward knew that he'd have to move soon if he didn't want anyone who may have come after him to find him. But he wanted to wait just a little while longer, there was still a lot that he needed to think through.

He might have decided on a course of action, but had no idea of how to follow through with it. He always had problems with this part of making a decision. Too often Edward would spend lots of time over thinking everything until he wasn't sure of what he'd decided in the first place.

It wasn't that he was indecisive, he just thought too much sometimes, which meant that it took him a very long time to reach a decision. The fact that he'd spent several days up here thinking about what he was going to do, what he **_should_** do, said a lot about himself.

Edward sighed, stopping, and he rubbed his temples in frustration. Being brave and doing the right thing was much harder then all those stupid romance novels and movies made it out to be.

Before Edward could do anymore of his worrying, he was tackled to the ground by something that he hadn't heard approaching nor had he heard the thoughts of it. Stunned, Edward found himself with an armful of a crying Jacob Black.

For several long moments, Edward was too shocked to do or say anything other then lift his arms up and wrap them around the crying wolf. He couldn't think of what to say, much less what to do. He hadn't gotten this far, and his mind right then was a total and utter blank.

It took him a while to come back to himself. For one thing, he wanted to know how the young man had gotten here. As far as he'd known, he'd been under house arrest by an entire family of vampires, and that was impossible to escape from. Secondly, he wanted to know how Jacob had found him; his scent should've faded to almost nothing in most places, it would be near impossible to have tracked him.

“Jacob?”

The only response he got was the hands twisted in his shirt tightened, and Jacob curled closer to him. Thoughts of rejection and hurt flew through his mind. Edward winced as each thought hit him and caused new hurts to spring up on his heart. How could he possibly hurt someone this vulnerable?

“How did you-?”

“Come back.”

Edward blinked. Had he just heard him right?

“I'm sorry, what?”

“Come back, dumbass.”

Now that sounded more like the Jacob he knew. Even Edward knew that he was acting a bit stupid, but then again, it seemed to be in his nature.

“I was planning on it.”

“Good.” Jacob's arms tightened, and the wave of hurtful thoughts surged through him with a strength that Edward had only heard from him at first. “... Bella's been asking for you. She wants you back.”

“I don't want to go back to her.” Easily, Edward flipped their position, pinning Jacob to the ground beneath him. He met startled brown eyes, and noticed the flicker of hope inside of them. “I made up my mind. I'd give you a chance.”

Jacob blinked up at him, too shocked to speak or even think, his mind was surprisingly blank. That told Edward that drastic actions must be taken in order to get a response out of the young wolf. He sighed, then his lips crashed down onto Jacob's.


	5. epilogue

**title.** before the night turns into dawn  
 **fandom.** _twilight_ series  
 **pairing.** edward cullen x jacob black  
 **rating.** pg  
 **part.** epilogue  
 **words.** 3987 words  
 **notes/warnings.** inspired by _never too late_ by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.  
 **disclaimer.** i do not own the _twilight_ series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.  
  
 **epilogue.**

For the first time in nearly two months, Jacob was sleeping peacefully. He was curled up against Edward's side with his arms wrapped securely around Edward's waist while his head rested on the vampire's steadily rising and falling chest. His thoughts were quiet, untroubled. When he slept, he looked much more like the young teen he really was instead of the tortured young man he'd been before.

Edward was awake, lying on the grass beside the young wolf, his own arm draped lightly over Jacob's shoulder as he watched him sleep. He didn't mind that Jacob was hot to the touch or that he was using him as a pillow, in fact, he felt incredibly at peace with himself for the first time in nearly a hundred years. Not since he'd been human had anything felt as right as this did.

The heat was oddly comforting, much more present and potent then Bella's faint warmth, and it only put more space between him and her. It was amazing to just how quickly his 'love' (and yes, the sarcastic air quotes were necessary) for her had faded, but since he'd realized just how flawed it was, it was an easy thing to let go of. She would still need to be dealt with, though, and knowing her instability... well, it wasn't going to be a pretty break-up at all.

Briefly, Edward wondered if Charlie would be furious at him for breaking his daughter's heart, again, to instead hook up with her best friend. It certainly was a perfect example of small town or celebrity gossip.

Everything was started to sort itself out, now, and it was impossible to deny that he and Jacob were perfect for each other. They had complementary personalities and abilities, even though they were opposites, making them the best match, and there was no way that Edward was ever going to let go of this, of Jacob. He cared about him too much, and he knew that leaving him would destroy the young man.

That was something he couldn't do.

Night had fallen and it was pitch black out by the time that Jacob finally started to wake up. He curled closer to Edward, mumbling something incoherently into the vampire's shirt as his arms tightened around the other's waist.

“... you're freezing.” Jacob finally ended his little tirade, but despite the complaint, he didn't let go or move from his position.

“I'm dead, so of course I'm cold; blood stopped flowing, my heart doesn't beat anymore, remember?”

Jacob smiled, and Edward could feel it through the thin fabric of his shirt, “Doesn't matter. I'm not complaining, it's nice.”

Sitting up, Edward let Jacob stay close, as the wolf cuddled up alongside him, nearly in his lap. The warmth soaked through from Jacob into Edward's cold stone flesh, leaving a pleasant heat to it that couldn't compare with a human's, much less a werewolf. It was something that softened Edward's expression as he held Jacob close, the wolf's thoughts, too, had changed.

“Don't be scared,” Edward murmured, taking Jacob's face in both his hands and smiling. “You don't have to be scared, everything will be fine, you'll see.”

 _You can't know that, and... you could still leave me._

“But I won't.”

With a pained look in his eyes, Jacob was quick to look away, his eyes tearing up again. He couldn't move his head very far, though, because Edward's hands were still firmly holding his head in place. _Don't promise me things that we both know you can't give._

“I already promised both you and myself that I'd give this, what we have, a chance. Is that enough? For now, at least, it's all I can offer.”

“Bella.”

Edward frowned, “This is between you and me, she has nothing to do with this.”

“No,” Jacob replied firmly, shaking his head. “She has everything to do with this, because I don't want to hurt her, and I know that you'd never leave her... even if it kills me, I'd rather her be happy and with you then have her miserable.”

This was the problem. Edward wasn't sure how he was supposed to deal with Jacob, Bella's best friend and someone who cared for her deeply, without breaking both of their hearts. If he hurt Bella, then he'd be hurting Jacob too and that was something that was difficult to deal with. He'd already caused Jacob enough pain, enough to drive him to try and kill himself, and that was the absolute last thing that he wanted.

Breaking things off with Bella had seemed much more simple just a few hours earlier, before Jacob had come to him. He knew that it was the most healthy option for him and, in a way, for her too. Of course, now it was a lot more complicated, and it bugged Edward.

“That's... I've been thinking about it, and while it seems completely irrational... I think that it would be best if she and I were to... end things.” He stopped, Jacob had moved away from him at that moment.

The werewolf was sitting against the large boulder in the clearing, knees to his chest and looking just as pitiful as he had when Edward had caught a glimpse of him shortly after he'd been brought to the hospital. He remembered Seth's broken expression, the pain in his thoughts mirrored in Jasper's, and he couldn't bring himself to cause them more pain just so a human girl could have stability and someone to take advantage of whenever she felt like it.

“I've given it a lot of thought, and being up here... I realized just how many problems I've caused for everyone, my family and yours included,” Edward began. “Times have changed, and I just hadn't thought that I should change how I saw it along with those changes instead of staying in the safety of what I knew.”

Jacob's mind had gone silent, he was just digesting everything that Edward said.

“Maybe I was just intrigued and that was it, or maybe because of how unfamiliar I am with love, but I mistook the fascination for it. And now, I have to deal with the mistakes I've made and figure out a way to make sense of it all before it falls apart. I won't let you pay for the wrong choices I've made.”

Reaching out, Edward brushed the tips of his fingers along Jacob's cheek in a comforting gesture which relaxed his muscles slightly. He gave him a small smile.

“I just needed something **_big_** to realize that what I was looking for wasn't in the places that I was looking, and that I should have looked elsewhere. I guess this is fate's way of telling me that what I needed wasn't what I thought I did.”

A silence hung in the clearing for several minutes, until Jacob sighed and his posture relaxed a lot more from its tense stance. The open smile on Edward's face did the rest until Jacob opened up and let the vampire wrap his arms around him and pull him close.

“Bella will be fine, just give her some time and I'm sure that she'll find someone new to latch onto.”

“You say that as though she's some leech sucking the life out a person,” Jacob muttered darkly into Edward's shoulder. “Though... I have to admit there's some truth in it.”

“She's high-maintenance.”

“I can't believe I'm agreeing with you on this.” _Damn, stupid vampires and their stupid mind-reading abilities and their stupid ability to always being right..._

 **\- -**

“I don't care! I want to know where Edward is!” Bella shrieked, picking her lamp up and throwing it at the wall, narrowly missing her father's head.

Charlie stood in the doorway, shocked. He hadn't thought that Bella would react this violently to the news that both Edward and Jacob were both missing, but she was and now he had to wonder why. Not even when Edward had left had she been like this, and it was forcing a few uncomfortable realizations on him that he'd rather have pretended weren't true.

His daughter definitely had some, well, problems with keeping herself stable. This was how Bella always was, her moods could be violent and she was horribly temperamental, but ever since Edward, and later Jacob, had been introduced into her life she'd been a lot more calmer; more serene. Now he was starting to realize just how dependent she'd become on them for keeping herself stable. This didn't bode very well for her, she needed someone to keep her head above the water of her very turbulent emotions.

“Calm down Bella!” Charlie shouted. “I'm sure he'll be back!” _He always does, so why should now be different?_

“But he's gone! And Jake's gone too!” She shouted. “I want to know what's going on! No one's telling me anything when I deserve to know! Carlisle won't say anything, Billy won't either! What the hell is going on?!”

Her tirade went on and on, making it very clear that Bella firmly believed that the universe seemed to revolve around her and what she wanted. Whatever was going on with Jacob, Charlie was suddenly very glad that Carlisle had chosen to keep Bella out of the loop because he couldn't imagine how much worse her reaction would be if she really knew.

 _“It's like this,” Carlisle had explained. “Jacob's been, well, dealing with some unwanted feelings regarding Edward, and he doesn't want to come between him and Bella because she's still his best friend and he loves her and wants her to be happy. Even if he's unhappy, then that's fine. It's just... gotten to the point where he can't take it anymore. Something had to give, and Jacob just happened to be the weakest link.”_

Finally unable to take anymore, Charlie grabbed Bella's wrist before she could grab a hold of her computer's tower which she'd probably throw at the wall too.

“Stop it Bella! The world doesn't revolve around you and what you want!”

She stopped, her eyes full of tears and her mouth wide open. It snapped shut with an almost audible clack, and she glared at her father, hard. There was such hate, and dare he think it **_insanity_** , there that it nearly scared him.

He was so angry though, that it was taking almost all of his self-control not to hit her, but he calmed down a little, “Jacob's going through a difficult time, and all you can think of is that you don't know what's going on. Didn't ever occur to you that he might not want you to know? Maybe it's better that he ran away, and it looks like I was wrong; Jacob deserves a lot better then what you seem to be able to give.”

“I love Jacob! It might not be the way that you or him want me too, but I do!” Bella shrieked, yanking her hand from out of Charlie's firm grip and running out of her room. A few minutes later, he heard the front door slam shut, followed shortly by the deafening roar of Bella's truck starting, and then Charlie saw her driving towards the town boundaries.

Collapsing to his knees, Charlie stared at the floor in front of him. He'd never lost his temper with Bella before, and even when he was angry at her now ex-boyfriend, he'd never felt like this. It was completely true now, he'd lost his daughter now.

What hurt the most, though, was that he realized that it had been years since she'd really been his daughter.

 **\- -**

The days were long and dark, Bella hadn't been home in nearly a month, and it was getting close to the start of a new school year. She'd called Charlie later, though, to apologize for her temper tantrum and to let him know that she was alright and staying at a motel our in Port Angeles to give herself some room and time to think. But Charlie knew that the bond between them had been severed and it wasn't repairable. It hurt a lot, but Jacob was back (and so was Edward), and he was looking so happy and alive that Charlie found it hard to begrudge either him or Edward for having caused his daughter's mental break.

Bella was still in the dark, though, as to why Jacob had tried to commit suicide two weeks earlier, and everyone was sort of hoping to keep it that way. He knew that Alice had driven out to make sure that Bella was alright and to make sure that she had a spare change of clothes.

 _“She's going to heal,”_ Alice had said when she'd called Charlie late one night. _“It's going to be slow going, and she'll need someone to be there for her, someone for her to cling to and hold on to, someone to make her strong again.”_

 _“Can you do that for her?”_ He remembered asking. That had been a bit forward of him, and sure he wasn't as comfortable as some people were with same-sex relationships, but Bella truly needed someone in her life; someone who'd see her through everything with strength and cheery attitudes. Alice was a perfect fit.

 _“I'm going to do my best, I still love her dearly.”_

He hadn't talked to either girl in weeks, but there were new relationships cropping up in Forks and La Push, and Charlie found himself glad to see that the long-standing feud between the Cullens and his close friends on the reserve were starting to disappear. There'd always be tensions but he could live with that, the young love that he saw growing between Edward and Jacob, Jasper and Seth, was a good sign.

Edward and Jacob were working through their problems, going through the issues together. The young wolf had a near relapse when he'd found out about Bella's tantrum and her running away, and Edward had only barely managed to talk him out of it.

 _“What would I do if I lost you?”_

The words had hung heavily in the air, and that silent promise of ' _I'd be lost without you, if you die, I die_ ' had burned in Edward's eyes. Jacob hadn't been able to go through with it after that, and he'd broken down and let Edward comfort him.

 _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..._

Several days had passed until Carlisle had deemed Jacob safe enough to be left alone for Edward to go hunting with Emmett and Jasper, but Seth had chosen to stay behind and hang out with Jacob. The two young wolves had been dropped into the same boat, and were now practically ostracized from the pack because of something that they couldn't help, but both of them were happy.

“The others aren't happy about this,” Seth said. “Apparently they were putting too much belief into the Elders' assurances that this sort of thing was a once in a hundred years sort of thing.” He shrugged, “I'm fine with it though, I've never been happier.”

“Don't you... miss your family?” Jacob knew that Sue and Leah were hit the hardest by this. After all, technically Harry had died because of the Cullens, and now they perceived that they'd lost Seth to them too; it was a lot to accept.

“Yeah I do.” Seth looked at his hands, clasped around his crossed ankles. “Being ostracized from the pack... it's really weird when I phase now; I'm not used to being alone in my head, but I like it too. The privacy is nice.”

 _No one to pry into all my darkest secrets._

“I haven't phased yet,” Jacob mused. He was still too thin to be healthy, and he was unnaturally pale too. The white bandages around his wrists were pristine and stood out against his skin. Black hair accentuated his skin, giving him the look of a recovering addict or someone coming out of a deep depression.

“Carlisle still hasn't given you the go ahead?”

“He won't let me phase until he's sure that my wrists have healed properly and I look healthier. Esme's been stuffing me.”

The Cullen family had all had different reactions to the two new additions. Alice hadn't been around at all since Jacob had returned, but she'd expressed her support and joy that both Jasper and Edward were happy with their choices in life. The lack of bitterness or hate from her was making Seth's relationship with her former husband much easier then it could have been.

At first, Emmett had been a little hesitant about the two wolves, but then he'd embraced them with all the love and rough manner as an older brother would. He tended to baby Seth just a little, and he was fiercely protective of Jacob, seeing him as the more vulnerable of the two. He loved them both in his sort of weird way.

Rosalie had been the hardest to deal with, and she took the longest to come round, but without Alice around someone had to take over her shopaholic tendencies. It was a little shallow of her, but Rosalie loved to have two young men around that she could dress however she liked. At that moment in time, she was in New York with Esme doing quite a lot of shopping, probably blowing a fortune on designer clothes.

Then there was Esme. She was too much of a motherly figure to truly hate anyone and did everything in her power to make sure that the two of them were well taken care of and sure of their place in their new family. She was the first, right after her husband and mate, to accept them fully into the family. _“You'll always have a place here with us,”_ had been the warm words of welcome that she'd offered them before sweeping them into a bear hug that probably would have crushed a regular person.

Jacob was really glad for Esme's presence and her nature because he'd never actually had a real mother of his own, and she filled that gap in his life. Since he'd never known his own mother, Sarah, he couldn't really miss her. Seth accepted Esme too, even though he had his own mother, she'd practically disowned him so it was nice to know that he still had a home and somewhere to belong.

Lastly, there was Carlisle. Very few people in the world could match his compassion and love for helping others and Jacob was truly indebted to him for all the help and support he'd given him. Carlisle only had his and the rest of his family's best interests at heart, and he would do whatever he had to in order to make sure that they were well looked after and happy.

“Oh yeah,” Seth remarked. “She's amazing at cooking, kind of hard to believe considering that she doesn't need to eat or anyone else in this place except us. I guess it's just something natural, I'm not complaining though.”

Jacob could see through Seth's happiness at his new-found family and sense of belonging, he was still longing for the acceptance and love from his sister and mother. He'd expected, and hoped, that they'd come round and accept it as something inevitable, but they weren't taking it well and it was hurting Seth. Especially since Billy was fine with the entire thing and he would come and visit as often as he could; he was staying with Charlie to make things easier.

The sheriff of Forks desperately needed the company, and he was fine with spending all of his free time looking after Billy since Sue had started to stop coming around the Black residence as often as she had before and Billy was still trying to get her to understand Seth's imprinting. Both of them were extremely stubborn people, so it was unlikely that either of them was going to give in any time soon. Seth would just have to learn to live without his family, as painful as that was.

He hid it miraculously well.

“You look a lot better Jake,” Seth murmured, now very pointedly staring at his hands. “I'm really glad that you're okay...”

Jacob thought about it, he had a lot to be thankful for. He still had his father, who still loved him and supported his imprinting as unorthodox and crazy as it was, and he had imprinted on a wonderful person (well, vampire) who loved him and would do absolutely anything for him. Seth was still with him, and even if he'd probably lost his old friends, Quil and Embry, he still had a real friend in the younger wolf. And he had a family now too, one that wouldn't judge him and loved him unconditionally, in all of their strange and different ways. He couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

One thing that bugged him, just a little, was the lack of communication from Bella. He'd been most worried about her reaction, and feared the backlash (he knew her temper all too well) that he'd get from her over the entire imprinting debacle. But she wasn't in town and was choosing to keep her distance because, deep down, she didn't want to hurt Edward and Jacob anymore then she already had. Alice would stitch her back up and make her a better person, Jacob had faith in that.

Which brought him to the subject of Edward.

Edward had been nothing but supportive, caring, attentive; everything anyone could ever want from someone. They had their arguments, of course, they were very different people but really did love each other and couldn't stay apart for too long without giving in and apologizing. Life was good, and they had a lot to be grateful for, so Jacob would do whatever it took to make sure that he was happy, because Edward would do the same for him.

So, in short, Jacob was really very happy and grateful to be alive too.

“Yeah, I am too.”

 **FIN.**


	6. alternate

**title.** before the night turns into dawn  
 **fandom.** _twilight_ series  
 **pairing.** edward cullen x jacob black  
 **rating.** pg13  
 **part.** alternate  
 **words.** 3003 words  
 **notes/warnings.** inspired by _never too late_ by three days grace; warnings are for suicide, major character death, and SEVERE angst. you have been warned, this is by no means happy stuff but this was the original version of this fic.  
 **disclaimer.** i do not own the _twilight_ series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.  
  
 **alternate.**

Jacob looked at his bloody wrists wordlessly, the blood was already coursing out of the self-inflicted wounds and he knew that he had little time before he started to feel the effects of the blood loss. The blood was already soaking into the carpet of his room and forming puddles.

For several long moments, he just stared at the blood leaving his body. His heart ached horribly, but the beats were weakening; he could feel them doing so.

Dipping his fingers into the blood, Jacob slowly began tracing out a brief message to everyone who he was going to leave behind. His fingers trembled as he painted the letters out onto the wall; it was a short note, he'd already left a letter behind, not for his father, but for Edward; the one that he'd imprinted on. The one that he could never have.

There was no way that Edward could accept what he'd done, as unintentional as it was, he had Bella and they were going to get married and be happy together. He couldn't interfere with that; there was no place in that future for him, at all.

It was better this way. Everyone else would be happier without him. That was what he convinced himself, he knew that he'd hurt his father by doing this, but Billy would forgive him when he found out why he'd done this; he couldn't bear the shame of what had happened.

This was just how it was supposed to be.

\- -

Seth was tired, and there was that meeting that all of them were supposed to be attending with the Cullens, to work out a few issues that would be heading towards them because of the Volturi. They needed permission to turn Bella Swan into a vampire or else she'd be killed anyway, but the problem arose in that they had their doubts about the Volturi actually fulfilling that part of the deal. Apparently, one of their leaders was very interested in Bella's potential 'gift'.

No one had answered the phone at the Black household; Billy was already at the meeting place, brought there by Sue who he'd been visiting, and no one knew where Jacob was. Seth had been given the job of finding where their beta was or what he was up too.

The door to the Black house was unlocked, which made Seth tense up suspiciously, but he didn't put too much into that coil of fear which had taken up residence in his stomach. Nothing was out of place in the kitchen or the family room as he passed it.

It wasn't until Seth was in the hallway that he started to scent something unusual. Stopping, he took a deep breath, and realized what it was.

Blood.

Near panic, Seth ran down the hall and wrenched Jacob's door nearly off its hinges and stormed into the room. For a few moments, he didn't realize what it was he was seeing but then the scene before him sunk in, and Seth felt the bile rise in his stomach and he promptly threw up all over the hallway carpet.

Then, he fell backwards out of the room, landing squarely on his rear and stared in absolute horror and shock at the sight before him.

Scrawled in messy letters, but it was undoubtedly Jacob's writing, was the phrase 'I'm sorry' across the wall right under the window. A too pale, blood covered arm extended below that, connected to what Seth had to presume was a body, but that body was blocked from his view by the door frame. For that, he was glad. He didn't need to see what lay inside.

His senses already told him everything he needed to know.

It was too late.

There wouldn't be any salvation for Jacob Black.

After all, the dead don't talk.

\- -

The coroner wasn't necessary, and in a small town like Forks, there really wasn't one. Carlisle had held the duel position of head surgeon and medical examiner ever since he'd moved back to the small town two years previously. But even he had never been allowed to step on Quileute lands. Until that point.

He wished fervently that it didn't have to be like that.

Carlisle believed that suicide was never the answer. There just had to be a way to solve things, he'd spoken to suicide survivors, had taken numerous courses on psychology, and he knew that suicide never would be a suitable solution. Everyone he had asked had said 'it's only after you're near death, that you realize that all of your problems have an easy solution; I could solve them'. And now, seeing a young life cut so short... Carlisle felt himself grieving with Billy Black.

The room hadn't been touched, as per Carlisle's instructions, but also because young Seth Clearwater had been in too much of a state of shock do to much else other then call him, surprisingly, and then to call Jacob's father to tell him about what he'd discovered.

Knowing that the family would be grieving, Carlisle had requested special permission to bring Esme and Jasper with him. Esme because of her innate caring and sympathy for everyone she met, and Jasper for his unique ability to feel and effect the emotions of those around him. He didn't want Jasper meddling, and he knew that the younger vampire would never do such a thing, but Jasper was good with people.

Without knowing precisely the consequences of his decision, Carlisle brought the two with him to the small Black household. The mood of the journey was particularly sombre, and he noticed that the closer they got to the small house, the duller Jasper's eyes became. It was a common side effect of his gift, Jasper always likened the negative emotions to sucking the life out of you, making it incredibly difficult to function when they pressing down on you from all sides. He hated to do this to the blond vampire, who had enough problems as it was, but he needed him there.

He'd thought of bringing Edward, but somehow, that didn't seem right. Something told him that Jasper was the right choice.

Stepping into the house, Esme immediately went to the kitchen, and began making a pot of tea for Billy and Seth, knowing that the hot beverage would at least calm their nerves somewhat. It was only those two in the house, plus the body, when the three Cullen vampires arrived.

Jasper lingered in the front doorway for several long moments, grasping the frame for support, his eyes unfocused, as he tried to steel himself to deal with the emotional bombardment that he was facing at that moment. He could feel every wave of pain, shock, sadness, anger that ran through the two men who were sitting in absolute horror in the living room, and he could understand that pain. For a short while, it looked like he could deal with it, but eventually he crashed to his knees with a loud thud.

The noise drew the attention of the young wolf, Seth, who, desperate for something to take his mind off of what he'd found, went to investigate.

Carlisle brushed past Seth, giving him a grim look, then a single nod of greeting to Billy as he stepped into the living room. He didn't say anything, knowing that anything he said wouldn't reach the middle-aged man, who kept staring at the coffee table with a glazed look to his eyes. Carlisle doubted that he'd fully processed what exactly had happened.

Either that, or he couldn't deal with the truth of knowing that his son was dead by his own hand. It was a difficult pill to swallow.

Jacob's room was at the end of the hall, and the door leading in was already wide open. The usually brisk steps Carlisle used slowed just a little as he stepped into the room and took in the full sight of what lay before him.

Cause of death was obvious. The blood had seeped into the carpet so thickly that the stench of blood hung in the room, and Jacob's wrists themselves were covered with the semi-dried blood that hadn't dripped off of his body to the carpet. It was the slowest, probably, way to commit suicide, but the message left on the wall obviously gave reason as to why.

' _I'm sorry._ '

A message to his father, that was all Jacob Black had left in his last moments of life. Carlisle's heart ached, and he himself longed for closure. He had to know: Why had Jacob done this?

The body's eyes were closed, hiding the chocolate brown eyes which had just hours earlier, been sparkling and full of life. He looked... peaceful. It wasn't right.

Just as Carlisle bent and began straightening out the body, making mental notes as he went, he noticed a white envelope sitting far too innocently on the desk.

The envelope was in the middle of the desk, which was devoid of anything else. Just a flat wooden surface with that white envelope occupying its center. Curious, Carlisle stood up and walked over. The enveloped was lying with its face down, sealed side up. Flipping it over with a too quick movement of his hands, Carlisle stifled a gasp.

' _Edward._ '

Why would Jacob be writing to Edward? Why would he leave a letter for him? Dimly, Carlisle remembered something that Bella had told them once before, about the wolves, and about a process called 'imprinting'. Then, it all clicked into place.

Jacob had imprinted on Edward. He'd known that Bella and Edward were in love. Coming in between them wasn't an option; he loved Bella too much as a friend to take away the man she loved and desperately needed just so that he could be happy, and his imprinting on Edward meant that he couldn't Bella because that would hurt Edward.

The letter... what was inside of it? A final farewell? An admission of love or affection? A plea for forgiveness?

Carlisle had no idea, and he knew that it wasn't his place to open that letter. It was clearly addressed to Edward, and it was certainly meant to be delivered to the bronze-haired vampire's hands to be opened and read. Whatever words Jacob had penned to the vampire, they were obviously meant for him and him alone, and that was something that Carlisle couldn't trespass upon.

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that more tragedy loomed on the horizon.

\- -

Alice had taken over looking after Bella, the two of them had always been close, but lately there had been signs showing that they were maybe meant to be closer then just friends. That was a good thing, Carlisle told himself, it meant that no matter how this whole tragedy worked out, Bella would have someone there to cling to and help her through her time of grieving.

The letter that Jacob had written to Edward weighted Carlisle down. He hadn't given it to Edward, but had taken it with him without telling anyone, and had tucked it into one of the many drawers of his desk. He was careful not to think about it whenever Edward was nearby. The time just didn't seem right.

Jacob's funeral was in a few days. Everyone who had known him was in shock, even the Cullens, and the funeral was open to everyone. Carlisle was surprised that the invitation had been extended to his family as well, but he wasn't going to ask any questions.

It hurt to know, though, that the most miraculous things could happen in such a dark and dreary time. But it also pained Carlisle much then it should to know that an imprinting between a wolf and one of them could happen and work out.

Seth's imprinting on Jasper had been completely unexpected but no one said a word about it in a negative sense; not at a time when everyone was grieving the loss of a young man who'd had a full and happy life ahead of him. Their love would have to wait for to unfold, because both of them were such shattered souls. Seth for the loss of someone who'd been like an older brother for him; Jasper for his own sins and because of the pain that Seth felt. Jasper felt Seth's pain as acutely as he could feel his own.

Carlisle had hope and faith for them, he knew that they'd make it work somehow.

The day of the funeral dawned dark and dreary, raining heavily. It was fitting weather, like the skies had decided to extend their own grief for Jacob's death. It was ironic, because everyone who spoke at the funeral said that Jacob had been like a sun, lighting the way for those around him and brightening up their lives with his humor and just his very presence. It made the truth very hard to deal with.

When the last bit of dirt had been shovelled into place over Jacob's coffin, the rain had finally let up, Carlisle knew what he had to do.

Edward stared at the grave with an empty and unreadable look on his face, and Carlisle knew that whatever was in the letter would change it. Slowly, he walked up to his adopted son, everyone else trickling out of the graveyard, the service over, to return to the Black household. Edward and Carlisle were the last ones to be left in the silent stretch of land, Bella having left with Alice.

“Edward,” Carlisle began slowly.

The young vampire turned, and held out his hand, “You didn't tell anyone about it, even me who it was addressed to. Why?”

“It was never the right time,” Carlisle replied. “I couldn't give it to you when anyone else was around, because I don't know what Jacob wrote to you.”

The envelope was placed in Edward's hands, and Carlisle turned away, his steps and posture stiff. He had his own suspicions about what that envelope contained, but he wasn't about to express them openly in a graveyard where anyone could hear them. This was out of his hands now.

 _If you had anything to do with this, Edward, then you have innocent blood on your hands._

\- -  
Edward waited until Carlisle's thoughts had faded away into the background, and all his sixth sense gave him was silence. He turned his attention to the envelope in his hands.

It was plain, white and clean, the stark appearance broken up by his name scrawled in black ink across the front of it. The seal on the back hadn't been broken, backing up Carlisle's claim to not having had opened it yet. Edward couldn't believe that he'd ever harboured such thoughts about his adoptive father, but he shoved those thoughts from his mind and focused on the envelope that he held in his hands.

Breaking the seal, Edward eased the envelope open, and slipped out a single piece of white paper. Unfolding it, Edward began to read.

A short paragraph note greeted Edward, and he felt his still heart begin to break and snap in places.

' _I can't be what you want, you've already found the love of your life, and it's not me. Maybe writing this is selfish of me, making you suffer and hurting you, but I... I just couldn't do this without knowing that I'd said goodbye to you. I want to apologize too._ '

His throat tightened as he read that, and a pressure started to build up behind his eyes from the tears that wouldn't ever fall. Somehow, that made all of it worse.

' _I think the worst thing is that I'll never get to know you, to experience any love from you. I know that you hate me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'd have been completely devoted to you, and making you happy is all I want. But I know that I'm not what you want or need, it's better this way._ '

Edward froze at that.

 _It's better this way._

No, no it wasn't. This shouldn't have been how it turned out. Nothing like this was ever supposed to happen, not to Jacob, not to someone who had been dragged into this whole 'mortal enemies' feud because of something that he couldn't change about himself. Sure, Edward hadn't liked the werewolves, but that didn't mean that he hated them. If Jacob had only come to him with this, then they could have worked this out. There was never any reason to take one's own life.

If only...

All of the possibilities of a future that would never be crashed into Edward's mind, and he could see that he'd have been happy, which only made everything worse.

 _I could've been happy, happier then I am now._

Cracks were showing in his so-called 'perfect life' with Bella, and now they were ripped wide open and there was a rift between them that neither of them would ever be able to cross. But now that a happy ending was dangling out of his reach, it only made his situation seem more and more worse.

And then, his heart was ripped out of his chest.

Falling to his knees, Edward was completely unaware of how desolate and lost to desperation he looked. Tears streaked down his cheeks, falling at long last as the last last remnants of his self fell away, lost forever to the forces of knowing that he'd never experience a love that was meant to be.

The tears he shed were red like the blood that they were.

 **FIN.**

Not exactly where I wanted to end it, but this was sort of like how this fic was originally supposed to end but I decided that I wanted it to have more of a happy ending.

Twilight.


End file.
